Do Asian students face too much academic pressure?

Thanks to my mom for forwarding me this article, and for not pressuring me too much as a kid. It's a fine line between pushing hard and pushing over the edge. I am not a parent, but I sympathize with the job - one of the toughest, and impossible to prepare for. 

CNN's Do Asian Students Face Too Much Academic Pressure

College Essays about $$$ Featured in the NYTimes

The NYTimes has rerun its application essay contest, Students and Money, and has published a few essays that they liked. 

Read them here.

I have to say, they are all great. But my favorite line was the ending of the fourth one, about her mother's hands. That sentence is really quite lovely, and a surprise, both in terms of meaning and rhythm.

Because that essay was one of my favorites, I'll do an analysis of the entire essay's structure below and see if we can reveal the skeleton, which you can try to use as an exercise when writing your own. :) Notice especially, how tight the essay is, and how well the theme of "hands" is integrated frequently throughout. 

Paragraph A: Introduction of Subject (Intro also serves as a small mirror of the larger essay's structure) 

1. Using synechdoche / figurative language to introduce the subject of the essay and also the subject's relationship/function to the writer.
2. Another sentence full of sensory language that serves to further add detail about the subject that is relevant to moving along the essay's topic (the fact that the mother works in a kitchen hints at her labor-intensive work).
3. A sentence that connects thematically to the paragraph (tears) but reveals the conflict/change to come.

Paragraph B: Introduction of Problem

1. Reason for problem
2. Restating problem in a different, also sensory way, using technique used in A1, via the theme of "hands" and the same figurative language technique.
3. Sensory detail, extension of problem via hands imagery.

Paragraph C: Effect of the Problem - Conflict

1. Effect of problem on writer (with a positive bent).
2. Effect of problem on writer (with a different, more negative bent).
3. Extension, with more detail - an example of why the writer was affected negatively.
4. Another example.
5. Larger view of the problem; rephrasing the problem as not a problem, viewing the situation with understanding and perspective.

Paragraph D: Restatement 

1. Summary of the effect of the problem - via theme of "hands."
2. Larger analysis of the problem in relation to society / America.

Paragraph E: Crisis & Resolution

1. Setting up the crisis with specifics of time/place. Introducing the problem.
2. Continuance of the action - building tension. Expanding action signals its significance.
3. Action, calling back to previous ideas (strong woman brought to weakness)
4. Action, hint at the cause of the crisis (phone), another reference to the theme (fist/hands).
5. Revelation of cause.
6. Reaction to understanding the cause.
7. Reaction to cause, marking growth and change both in time and in action. Appeals to emotions.
8. Effect of reaction. Appeals to emotions.
9. Summary of change that occurred.
10. Summary of growth that inspired the change. 
11. Thematic understanding based on the problem, crisis, & resolution, stated through the imagery of the theme, hands. 

My College Essays

I wrote two college essays. One was about singing in a high school rock band. One was about my mother’s influence on my life. I’ll give you a summary of both essays, and then explain why I chose to write about the two topics. Note, my essays didn’t really have titles - I just created them for this post.

1. Band of Brothers

I was in a funk rock band in high school. I was the singer and lyricist, and there were three others in the band with me - Nathan (bass), Geoff (guitar), and Jason (drums). The essay was thematically about the idea of “brotherhood.”

I thought this was pretty clever, since, well, I’m a girl. But the point that I was trying to get across through my essay was that the friendships that I made at school with my bandmates (who happened to be boys) taught me lessons about friendship, loyalty, teamwork - in a word, brotherhood. But through the group experience, I also learned a lot about myself, about music, and about my own tastes and goals.

2. The Decision that Changed My Life

I wrote another essay about the influence my mother has had on me. The essay centered on the story of her deciding to leave a pretty horrible marriage to raise my sister and me on her own. She made her decision in large part so that my sister and I might see her as a woman who respects herself and stands up for herself, and so that we might also become strong, independent women ourselves one day. The essay included some backstory on my parents’ relationship, some explanation of the trials she went through on her own, analysis of the impact of her action on my life, how I’ve tried to be like her in some ways, and how I’m still learning. My mother is one of the bravest, most independent, smart, and resourceful women I know, and her actions changed the course of my life.

Why did I write these two essays?

I wrote on these topics because they were moments in time when my life (because of my actions or choices, or the actions or choices of someone close to me) could have veered in another direction. I changed and grew so much because I formed a band with three friends. My life took a completely different path when my mother left Korea and her marriage to raise us on her own. 

There are moments like these in every person’s life. They can be big or small, dramatic or quiet. They may be experiences of intense joy and optimism, or they may be periods of immense doubt and challenge. If you were to try to come up with these moments for yourself, try to visualize your life as a straight line that begins at the point when you are born. It continues on in a straight and consistent way for some time, maybe months or years or decades, until something happens to you or your family or even your country. Maybe you fall down and hurt yourself; maybe your family moves; maybe you fall in love with a piece of music or a book. At that point, the line bends to a certain degree because you have changed, and it begins to take another path. It continues straight on that path for a while until the next life-defining change occurs. Your job is to identify these junctures, these moments of change. What happened, why, who was involved, and how did you grow as a result? 

In other words, find X: I would be totally different if X hadn't happened.

Obviously, this is just one way of brainstorming subjects for college essays. My essays were two experiences I wanted to write about when I was 18; only later did I try to analyze how I might have gotten to my ideas in general. For a college essay, you can write about anything - your favorite object, a joke you heard once, the way you decorate your room. The options are endless really. But if you’re stuck, trying to think about the “moments of your life” is one way to get started.

One Vivid Andover Memory

I was a 13-year-old girl from a mostly white and Asian suburb in NJ. I had never been acutely made aware of my Korean-American background. Race wasn't an issue in my life. 

I was in large part naive; my surroundings allowed me to remain so. I had read books dealing with race, and I had an understanding of history and current affairs. But I had no firsthand experience with discrimination, and race was not something I thought about often. 

When I came to Andover, there were no issues of race as far as I could tell. Kids were nice, well behaved. In that kind of environment, it's easy to forget about a problem that isn't yours. 

Every Wednesday afternoon, Andover students gathered in the chapel for All School Meeting, or ASM. Usually, ASM is a performance, a program, or a guest speaker. 

One Wednesday, a speaker walked on stage, and I'll never forget how he opened his speech: 

"Everyone raise your hands," he ordered. All 1,100 students and faculty raised their hands. 

"Now, keep your hand up if you've ever thought about the color of your skin in your life." Most students kept their hands up. A few very honest ones pulled them down.

"Now keep your hand up if you have thought about the color of your skin in the past year." Many students and faculty lowered their hands. I, too, lowered my hand. I hadn't thought of my race since I could remember, really. 

"Keep your hand up if you have thought about the color of your skin this past month." Even more hands dropped.

"Keep your hand up if you have thought about the color of your skin this week." Few hands remained. They were distinctly the hands of minority students at Andover.

"Now keep your hands up if you've thought about the color of your skin at least once today." 

Those hands stayed up. 

I was shocked. Maybe it was because some of those students were my friends and I never thought of us as remarkably different. Maybe it was because I didn't think there were race issues at Andover, which seemed like the safest haven in the world. Or maybe it was the truth that shocked me: that every single day, these students thought about the color of their skin, whereas I didn't have to. How different our lives were, and how much energy that must consume. 

What stayed with me that day was a sharper awareness of the world and a reminder of the non-sibi (not for oneself) philosophy that Andover tries to impart on its students. Without that lecture, who knows how much longer I would have gone through my young adulthood only thinking about racial awareness as an abstract idea through my own subjective lens, without thinking about how racial issues impacted the psychology of others? Maybe only a couple years. Maybe my entire life. 

That Wednesday's ASM stands out to me as an example of what a great school can do for its kids. And one reason why parents might choose to send their students to one school over another. I was fortunate to attend Andover, with its resources, great teachers, college prep, and financial aid endowment. But Andover was truly great because it went one step beyond facilities and opportunities. It also sought to make its students better, more understanding, more enriched and engaged. Those goals were written into its motto. And they were achieved through the school's unique structure, its funding of special events and programming, and its emphasis on living a moral life. 

To parents looking at schools, I suggest asking the school what it stands for. What is its motto, or its vision for its students, beyond academics? And  what does the school do to back that up?

Even though I graduated from Andover 10 years ago, I remember that ASM vividly to this day. I can still remember the jolt of understanding I had, the feeling of illumination and also discomfort at dealing with a new reality. Those feelings are the germs of learning and growth - in school and in life.

Why I Love Working on the Essay

I've worked with students applying to boarding school, university, even business and med school. I've done everything from test prep to admissions consulting to school tour planning. But these days I am fortunate enough to specialize in the the part of the admissions process I love the most: the personal essay. 

What that means is that I help students to do three things: 

1. Brainstorm essay topics
2. Decide on the right narrative structure
3. Edit language and style as needed

The real work, I always say, is in the first two steps. The third is a piece of cake once you have the first two.

Brainstorm

It's almost every other student who comes to me with their head down, mumbling the phrase "I have nothing to write about. I'm so boring." I get excited when a student tells me this. Because I know with 100% certainty that by the time we're done, they'll have an essay that is definitely not boring.

The most enjoyable part of the process of helping a student with the college essay is getting to know them. If a student has no idea what to write about, my first job is to ask him leading questions and have him do exercises to break through the old ways he is thinking about himself to unearth the really unique and awesome things and moments in his life. Everyone is unique. I know that's a cliche, but what's cool is that it's really true. And once we know what possible topics and angles the student can use for a great personal essay, we can move on to finding the best way to lay it out. Sometimes step 1 takes a while - a few meetings even. But it is the most important part. Figuring out potential topics and stories are the foundations upon which the essay can be built!

Structure

Will the essay be told chronologically start to finish? Will it be told backwards? Will it be told as an action tale, or will it have lots of exposition? How about a graphic novel-type essay? Will there be an overarching message depicted through multiple smaller ideas or stories? Will it utilize a frame narrative? There are endless choices for how one can organize and move meaning through an essay. Depending on the topic, the story involved, and the theme, the student and I will determine what narrative structure(s) might work best. After this phase, students may write a few essays with different topics, and they may even try a few different structures for each topic before deciding which works best. That leads us to phase 3. 

Edit

Once the essay topic, theme, and structure are decided, the writing is the easy part! I don't get too involved, since the student has to write out the essay drafts. I do some editing during revisions to enhance language, tension, momentum, etc. But I am very adamant that the student's original style remain intact. That is a very important element to the essay as well, and I wouldn't bulldoze over it for the world. The editing phase is the kind of editing your English teacher may give you on your essay. Except I will spend a lot more time and detail on it. This phase is fun for me since I get to do some more traditional writing coaching, helping students understand why word choice, flow, and sentence structure are so important.

I've been doing this work for 6 years, and it never gets old. Each young person comes to me with a wealth of interesting experiences, ideas, habits, preferences, and hobbies. I get to hear about those things, and then I get to help shape them into a piece of wonderful creative non-fiction. I am a writer at heart, and this process is really fun for me.

But the best part about working on the personal essay is that it's really an uplifting, positive process. The essay asks what is special about you? and the student and I meet to discuss and work on that question, sometimes for weeks or months on end.  The admissions rat race is rigorous, tough, and riddled with challenges and expectations that often produce insecurities and doubts. The essay is really a chance for a student to take a good look at him or herself and feel pride and self-worth in who he or she has become. I get to help awesome human beings see the ways in which they are awesome, even ways they didn't fully realize. And the student walks away feeling, hey, I'm pretty cool, and I've got a pretty cool way of expressing that. If that's not something to enjoy, I don't know what is.